Love.
That thing people experience that often seems to make them go crazy. Make them do the most inexplicable and sometimes questionable things. The nonstop texting and blushing into the phone, the continuous calls at odd hours. A person becomes so intricately part of your life — almost seems like their life threads are woven together with yours; creating this beautiful pattern. You think about them when you wake up in the morning and when you drift to sleep at night. They’re now a routine in your life — constant, concrete and continuous.

Then boom, all the walls start crumbling down. Yeah, maybe slowly at first. An unreplied text, an unanswered call. Then you start fighting about who used the toaster without cleaning it. Then it becomes a shout fest about the most minute thing. Suddenly, you find out you don’t want to talk to them anymore. They don’t make you smile like they used to. You want to spend more time with your girls on your night out or with your guys at the bar. You now sleep before midnight — no more heart to hearts late into the night.

Now you seriously begin to think about it. What’s happened ? Where did all the love go? How did we turn from star crossed lovers to strangers. Did it start with me ? Are they the problem ? Do I still want to do this? What should I do ?

Well, you’re most likely in a rut and you’re experiencing something called a relationship burnout. You see, a relationship burnout as you probably can guess from the name, is when a person in a relationship feels disconnected or detached from the other party or parties in a relationship. Relationship burnouts are caused by several things and it’s really not uncommon in relationships. Reasons could range from stress all the way to personality clash.

If you’re still unsure about what burnout in a relationship could look like, well here are some telltale signs;

Firstly the most common sign is that you start to get bored. More often than not, you feel disengaged and detached from your partner. Things are no longer fun and exciting as they used to be. Your movie dates have become boring and you just find your evening walks tiring rather than peaceful.

You might also start to realise you’re fighting a lot, arguing all the time and just feeling like anger is the only way to express yourself. So you yell and scream and throw tantrums at every opportunity.

Then comes the juicy part— you find it difficult being intimate with them. You want to spend less and less time away from them. Other people start to look very appealing. You’re receiving attention from new men, you’re complimenting ladies at the store. You think about your relationship status when you’re asked if you’re seeing someone.

Sometimes, it might just mean that the relationship is slowly coming to an end and maybe the best thing to do might really be to just end it. But, if you’re looking to try and make it work, here are some things you can do;

You gotta be as honest as possible. About what you want, about your needs and about your feelings. Talking about stuff is literally the first step towards fixing things. Nothing concrete is going to happen if you stay assuming. So talk and be honest !

You should also try out stuff your partner likes. It might be new hobbies or maybe things they previously liked. Do things together and maybe add a thing or two to spice it up. We won’t go into the details of that spice.

Finally, you might just need to take a break. Never underestimate the power of a little space. But, only do this if all parties in the relationship agree to it. I’ve come to understand that several people interpret breaks as breakups. So you have to be really clear on that.

All in all, love is that thing. That beautiful, wholesome and sometimes incomprehensible thing. But like every other beautiful thing, it doesn’t come without its share of work. So beautiful people, it’s not enough to love and love unconditionally, you also gotta put in the work!